


The Scorpion

by WeeklyReportWithJamesCheetham



Category: The House of the Scorpion - Nancy Farmer
Genre: crack writing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-04
Updated: 2018-03-04
Packaged: 2019-03-27 02:06:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13870818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WeeklyReportWithJamesCheetham/pseuds/WeeklyReportWithJamesCheetham





	The Scorpion

El Patron was lost in the desert.

He didn’t know how.

He didn’t know why.

He just woke up, and BAM.

Nothing but desert.

He sat up, sighing. He looked down at his hands, and realized that he was clutching a note. He uncurled his fist and unfolded the paper. 

"To find freedom, you must kiss your crush. That is all. Sincerely, The Institute."

El Patron blanked. He didn’t have a crush. He knew that, for sure. The only thing he had ever liked in his world was himself… and scorpions.

And scorpions.

He turned his head to his left.

A marvelous specimen was crawling towards him.

It was the prettiest scorpion he had ever seen. The scorpion, which was the color of ruby red, had a slender frame, and a smooth shell that sloped slightly upwards. As it gently clicked its mandibles together, the scorpion glanced back at him with its shining black eyes.

He had never harbored such intimate thoughts for anyone, or anything, until now.

He had fallen in love, and he knew it.

El Patron bent down. “Oh, how I adore you, dear scorpion. You are the apple of my eye. You are the cranberry sauce of my turkey. You are fierce, yet beautiful. I love you more than anything in this life. May I kiss you, my darling?” he crooned softly.

The scorpion clicked its mandibles in ascent. The old man smiled and gently picked up the animal.

He started to kiss it, but then he was interrupted by a sharp jab in his cheek. He had been stung by the scorpion, who hated him very much.

“What? But darling… I thought… ARGH! I WAS SUPPOSED TO LIVE FOREVER DANG IT! I HAD THIS WHOLE DEATH PLANNED OUT AND YOU RUINED IT! HOW COULD YOU?! I… My dear scorpion… you’ve ruined my— OWWWWWW…”

He rolled over and died.


End file.
